Attitude is Everything

I found this quote about attitude online and it really spoke to me.  I recently have had some dealings with some people who say they want to make healthy changes in their life.  When they are given solutions or have solutions it usually ends in "ya but", "I know, but". I remember saying that to people years ago and now I see I didn’t want the solution bad enough.  It's so defeating to have an excuse to stay the same, stay in the drama, stay in the sick thinking, the rescuing, the enabling, the addictions.  We can all come up with an excuse in order to do what is easy. 
Finally, I came to realized that I could just move forward and learn to remove the "but" and replace it with a "yes!"  My whole attitude and outlook changed.  I no longer felt defeated by outside events, other people, and anything else beyond my control. I was living in the solution and I still try to do that today. 

Feeling our Feelings

In recovery we are told to try not to stuff our feelings but try to acknowledge and release them.  Prior to recovery was unaware I had been either stuff my feelings or “tuning out” because I was overwhelmed by them.  We hear the solution “be with your feelings” and to “feel your feelings” and that is what this post explores.  I’ve learned a few strategies from those who came before me.  It is no longer just being with my feelings but about being able to understand, acknowledge, and release those feelings.

Anonymity in 12 Step Fellowships

We hear the word anonymity in meetings during the readings and in discussion.  The 12th tradition: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. In some other fellowships they have added readings that refer to anonymity as the anonymous person in fellowship; we are not our age, race, creed, colour, profession, etc. we are a first name and we belong as a member when we say we do.  I think it’s interesting when I looked up the definitions it stated: freedom from identification, lack of distinctiveness, state of being unnoticed (blending into a crowd), an unnamed person.  

Affirmations

This is a follow up to my post yesterday about Self-Talk.  I suggest we use these affirmations by posting them around your home, car, place of work, anywhere you will see them daily.  It is possible that they will change the way you see yourself, create healthier self-talk, and may lead to inner peace and serenity.  You can use this list to create some of your own affirmations by mixing and matching; just make sure they are short, believable, and focused.  They can be written on recipe cards and carried in a wallet, on post-its and put up around the home and office, you could even write with permanent marker on your mirror; it comes off with rubbing alcohol.  Below is a collection I have gathered from recovery, aftercare, postings, and who knows where.

Self-Talk

We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly. – Shakti Gawain

The way we talk to ourselves will determine how we feel about ourselves, others and the world around us.  There are a lot of pluses to managing our self-talk: decreases anger, increases self-esteem, become more positive, creates inner peace and serenity, and many more.  What we tell ourselves seems to manifest in all areas of our lives.  When we change the self-talk then we begin to change our belief systems and our actions.  We can move in a positive direction in life and even learn to love ourselves.   My first sponsor started me on this journey of positivity with a quote by Wayne Dyer “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Self-Will

Self-will is something we surrender over and over again in recovery.  I have a habit of taking it back from time to time, sometimes daily, but to stay in recovery is to surrender my will to my Higher Power or God of my understanding.  Now this surrender doesn’t mean I become a doormat.  I can still make plans, pursue goals, and try to make changes to my world.  The surrender is of the destructive self-will; where I abuse my right to make choices and decisions, where my actions are self-motivated, and there is no conscious contact with my Higher Power. 

Letting Go

Here is yet another post by an unknown author; not for lack of trying but this was something given to me by a friend in a 12 step fellowship…I could not resist posting it.  I should tattoo it on my arm!  I could write ten posts about the subject of letting go and it would not begin to reach the depth the author reached when s/he wrote the untitled article below.  

Step Work

In 12 step fellowships we follow the steps as a way of life; that is to say most of us put pen to paper and work on each step in order.  We do this with the guidance of a sponsor and once a portion of work is complete, we sit with our sponsor and share what we have found.  Some people continue to do steps 1-12 throughout their recovery using various step guides or fellowship literature.  Other people may do the steps through once and then continue 10, 11, and 12 as the maintenance steps for the remainder of their recovery.  Some people in recovery never do any written work and only attend meetings.  There are as many ways to do the steps as there are 12 step fellowships. 

Acceptance

Acceptance is a spiritual principle that I have heard used in many groups I have been to for recovery, PTSD, and Pain.  I have struggled to find acceptance in all of these areas.  I also have experienced the deep serenity from finding acceptance in all of these areas of my life.  I have gratitude that I am able to share with others what I have learned on my journey.  Having that purpose in my life has allowed me to experience full acceptance of my past, leaving behind blame, shame, regret, resentments, and fear.  Acceptance is not condoning events or actions but it is letting them go in order to have peace; there is nothing I can do to change the past.  

Facing our Fear in Recovery

Prior to (even during) recovery fear is an ever present, dominating feeling which can become so powerful it rules our entire life.  Often we go through life unaware our thinking and decision making is clouded or even controlled by fear. One definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. The fear experienced in the addicted family is self-centred fear; a fear of self preservation and self-seeking. Some of the fear I have uncovered in recovery have been: fear of failure, rejection, being wrong or making a mistake, responsibility, using, the future, arguments, conflict, financial problems, nothing will change/everything will change, being alone, letting my family down, getting caught, relapse both in addiction and codependency…and infinitely more, I was full of fear, but I found a solution in the 12 steps.

Rational Self Counselling

This is a post to follow up on the Rational and Irrational Thoughts post last week.  Our belief systems are the basis of self-talk. Our belief systems can change but have been building up throughout our life.  What we believe comes from our upbringing, spiritual beliefs, events, traumas, and from various other influences.  Therefore what we believe about ourselves and others may need to be challenged.  In my case an entire overhaul was needed.  What I believed determined my feelings and it played out like this:
AN EVENT --   BELIEF SYSTEM  --  FEELINGS  (--  ACTION/ NO ACTION)

Serenity and Inner Peace

There is a lot of talk about Serenity and Inner Peace in 12 step fellowships.  We say the Serenity Prayer and it seems that inner peace is the goal of many who are on a journey of healing.  I figure if that is my goal then I would like to explore exactly what I’m working so hard to achieve.  There are many definitions and my guess is that Inner Peace would be a bit different for everyone.  This is my top 10 Signs of Inner Peace, it’s just a list and I know I can never have full serenity in my life but here are some ideas I desire:

Rational and Irrational Thoughts

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.  -The Buddha

In this post I'm going to explore rational and irrational thoughts and beliefs
- how to spot the thought
- how mindfulness can help
- the three core irrational beliefs which the irrational thoughts stem from
- how to spot the language of irrational thought
- the solutions to having rational thoughts

Through thought distortions and the resulting conflict; there is a self-imposed suffering.  Buddha said it best above, we are our thoughts and our thoughts influence how we feel.

At first I thought, I’m a rational person, this doesn’t apply to me.  Then I started to look at the feelings I was having and worked backwards.  Why was I feeling like this? What were my thoughts about the “who, what, where or how?”  When I started going deeper I could see a lot of my unhappiness and conflict was based on irrational thinking…it still can be.

Recovery is a Process not an Event

As my sponsor tells me "Recovery is a process, not an event."  Every person has their journey and will experience and learn different things at different times.  This is the beauty of recovery; I can learn from every single person because we are all having experiences, hardships and learning life's lessons.  It is all about relating to other people.  I know, comparing is easier, I can feel superior, not-as-bad, etc when I compare.  But when I relate is where I can see my lesson in another person.  I become a teachable person.