Rational and Irrational Thoughts

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.  -The Buddha

In this post I'm going to explore rational and irrational thoughts and beliefs
- how to spot the thought
- how mindfulness can help
- the three core irrational beliefs which the irrational thoughts stem from
- how to spot the language of irrational thought
- the solutions to having rational thoughts

Through thought distortions and the resulting conflict; there is a self-imposed suffering.  Buddha said it best above, we are our thoughts and our thoughts influence how we feel.

At first I thought, I’m a rational person, this doesn’t apply to me.  Then I started to look at the feelings I was having and worked backwards.  Why was I feeling like this? What were my thoughts about the “who, what, where or how?”  When I started going deeper I could see a lot of my unhappiness and conflict was based on irrational thinking…it still can be.
There are many different books, blogs and websites dedicated to this expansive part of recovery.  It is so important to look at this area of my life because it truly is the difference between Sanity and Insanity.  I make a lot of decisions based on my thoughts every day; I want them to be realistic and sound.
I become aware of my thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes by paying attention, being in the present moment.  When I do that I become aware of how they affect my feelings and actions.  I use mindfulness and mindfulness meditation.  It is simply being in the present moment, as thoughts come in I try not to judge them but become an observer.  When I notice I have gone away, taken by my thought, I gently guide myself back to the present moment.  I have many links along the right side of my blog from both youtube and other blogs which can help you start a meditation practice or explain further about mindfulness.  Practice makes permanent. This was a saying my first addiction counselor used to use, I love it and it’s so true.

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Wayne Dyer

To start with I wasn’t sure how to tell between irrational vs. rational thought. I was taught to watch for the “Irrational Trinity” - The three irrational beliefs that lead me to irrational thinking, I couldn’t believe how much they showed up in my life:

I must be competent

This first one comes from wanting to be in control, perfect and having an all or nothing attitude.  It caused me great suffering and pain because I could never live up to it.  It leads me to feelings of failure, anxiety, depression, insecurity, fear, and worthlessness.
The spiritual principles I combat this irrational belief with are humility, acceptance, hope, open-mindedness, tolerance, honesty, balance, surrender, and patience.  With these come the rational thoughts: “I try my best and like to have successes but I will also have failures.”

I must be treated fairly

I have no control over other people and just as I enjoy my free will, so do they. So again we see the shortcoming of controlling, as well as, unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, an aggressive or passive state, and many more.  This belief leads to feelings of anger, resentment, hostility, aggression and rebellion. 
The spiritual principles I combat this irrational belief with are humility, assertiveness, brotherly love, acceptance, hope, tolerance, forgiveness, honesty, and I’m sure more.  Applying these principles will lead to more rational thoughts such as “I would like to be treated as I treat others, I will be assertive when this doesn’t happen.”

I must feel no pain

This final belief comes from the desire for pleasure, self-centeredness, and the idea that things should always fall into place for me. The irrational thoughts that stem from this belief are far reaching in my psyche – from wanting others to do as I desire to the expectation the world to run the way I would like it.  This leads to feelings of frustration, pain, self-seeking, intolerance, arrogance, avoidance, and self-pity. The spiritual principles I apply to this irrational belief are compassion, love, tolerance, patience, forgiveness, helpfulness, courage, humility, hope, faith, and acceptance. Applying these principles will lead to more rational thoughts such as “Things will not always go my way.” or as I like to say “My greatest trials gave me my greatest lessons.”

Further examples of irrational thoughts can be spotted in my use of language:

1. “Should” and “must” – these are moralizing statements when used on myself I may cause feelings guilt or on others I may influence feelings of guilt or anger.

2. “Always” and “never” as well as “forever”, “awful” and “horrible” are extreme exaggerations.  While they may not seem important, I must remember that there is a place in me that feels attacked with these statements because they are not true.  Then I practice with using the exaggeration word and then without, I feel much better without.

3.    Misrepresentations and falsifications, while it is obvious the words are not meant literally, they evoke much stronger feelings than the truth.  For example “I am trapped in my marriage” or “I am tied to my job” are drama producing, false statements and a reality check is needed.  When I use truthful words to explain my situations then the emotions will follow the same train of thought.  I look to a solution in recovery: “This job is doesn't have room for advancement” this would be followed by a search for a solution.  “There are a lot of differences in my marriage, we fight almost every night.” Next comes the solution seeking rather than drama seeking:  “what can we do, who can we talk to about this?” 
It is always about living in the solution for me when I am engaging in irrational thoughts.  These thoughts or beliefs put unnecessary anxiety and pressure in my life.  Rationally, I know that the “big three” above are completely ludicrous.  However, without practice with mindfulness and examining my thoughts I will fall into the trap of irrational thought.   When I use these words for myself or others I am judging and that is a character defect; the antidote of which is patience, tolerance, brotherly love, and I’m sure many more.

Once I become aware of the thoughts, beliefs and attitudes I can begin evaluating them. Recovery is all about putting tools in my toolbox, one day at a time. I want to live a life that is productive, creative and supportive of positive relationships.  I am so lucky to have been given the information for a better life and now I pass it along.

Bonnie J

For Further Reading:

Your Erroneous Zones, by Wayne W. Dyer
A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle
Question Your Thinking, Change the World, by Byron Katie
You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay