Facing our Fear in Recovery

Prior to (even during) recovery fear is an ever present, dominating feeling which can become so powerful it rules our entire life.  Often we go through life unaware our thinking and decision making is clouded or even controlled by fear. One definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. The fear experienced in the addicted family is self-centred fear; a fear of self preservation and self-seeking. Some of the fear I have uncovered in recovery have been: fear of failure, rejection, being wrong or making a mistake, responsibility, using, the future, arguments, conflict, financial problems, nothing will change/everything will change, being alone, letting my family down, getting caught, relapse both in addiction and codependency…and infinitely more, I was full of fear, but I found a solution in the 12 steps.

When I first came to recovery I heard some acronyms for fear: False Evidence Appearing Real, Future Events Already Ruined, F*** Everything And Run or Face Everything And Recovery.  The last one is my favorite because I truly believe that recovery is not for the faint of heart: we must face everything.

Fear is produced in the addicted family by the focus being on the sick person; constantly living in the shifting and distressed environment of the addict.  The atmosphere is one of chaos and when there isn’t chaos it will need to be created.  The family will have fear around doing something to “cause” the addict to use. This fear creates an environment where the codependent will then try to control pretty much everything – which of course is not possible but they fear the end of that illusion.  The end of the "control illusion" is an admission of powerlessness either over the substance, the addicted person, or both.  Powerlessness is often visited in the first 3 steps; once we admit we are powerless a vacuum is created which can only be filled by a Higher Power.  God (or our Higher Power) has the power to keep the addict from using or the Codependent alive and well regardless of the addict's use or recovery. 
Recovery is a process by which we turn our fear over: we acknowledge our feelings of fear, talk about it with our sponsors and then ultimately turn it over to our Higher Power in prayer.  As I have worked through the steps I have found fear lurking around every corner, I was full of fear.  The only way I could deal with it is to acknowledge it and try not to act upon it.  I am powerless over it and can make myself miserable when I obsess on my fears.  Serenity is my goal and fear has no place there.  Bonnie J