Feeling our Feelings

In recovery we are told to try not to stuff our feelings but try to acknowledge and release them.  Prior to recovery was unaware I had been either stuff my feelings or “tuning out” because I was overwhelmed by them.  We hear the solution “be with your feelings” and to “feel your feelings” and that is what this post explores.  I’ve learned a few strategies from those who came before me.  It is no longer just being with my feelings but about being able to understand, acknowledge, and release those feelings.

Self-Will

Self-will is something we surrender over and over again in recovery.  I have a habit of taking it back from time to time, sometimes daily, but to stay in recovery is to surrender my will to my Higher Power or God of my understanding.  Now this surrender doesn’t mean I become a doormat.  I can still make plans, pursue goals, and try to make changes to my world.  The surrender is of the destructive self-will; where I abuse my right to make choices and decisions, where my actions are self-motivated, and there is no conscious contact with my Higher Power. 

The Twelve Steps of How Not to Recover

The 12 steps below seem to have been around a while.   I have received this list by email and hardcopy throughout my recovery. Unfortunately, I have not found the author to give credit.  When I read through these 12 steps I find myself not just chuckling but also tensing almost cringing at the outline of my life before recovery. This tongue-in-cheek list is a stark reminder of where we can end up, or return to, without recovery.  

These are the steps we took, which are suggested as a Program of Misery:

Signs and Symptoms of Codependency

Codependency is a tricky thing to spot in ourselves.  I was talking with my mom this week and she said something that has really stuck with me:  “We [codependents] don’t have the outward signs like the addict does – it’s obvious to them; taking a pill, a drink, gambling, smoking, etc – but with me, how was I to know until I stumbled into my own recovery by trying to help my addict?”

I certainly will not be able to list all the signs and symptoms of codependency in this post but I think the categories are a good jumping off point.  The main categories:  Denial, Compliance, Low Self-Esteem, Control, and Avoidance. I’ve picked these because they were outlined this way to me at the Residential Family (Codependency) Program I attended.  These categories also apply to the addicted person; addicts just have the extra symptom of using. When I talk about relationships in this post I don’t mean just romantic ones but all types of relationships.  In my case I can have codependent relationships with my brother, my friend, my parents, co-worker, or someone I sponsor – that is why I love recovery, I am never recovered, I’m always within the process.