My Journey with Chronic Pain

So far my posts have been recovery related for the most part.  Recovery is the most important thing in my life because without it, I lose everything I love in my life.  The following post explains the beginning of my journey into living in recovery with chronic pain.

Codependency

Codependency is a label that may be misinterpreted or discounted at face value.  In recovery, a codependent person is a friend or family of an addicted person, someone raised by a codependent and/or in a dysfunctional home where the underlying rules were “don’t talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel.” These core rules may be more obvious in some families but they can be found in most codependents’ family of origin. Codependent does not necessarily mean someone who is a wilting violet.  They come in all personality types; including both introverted and extroverted people from all socio-economic groups.

There are five core issues of the codependent: control, over-responsible (for family), distrust (of self and others), avoidance of feelings (belief feelings are bad or wrong), ignore own needs. 

The Disease of Addiction

The question of addiction being a disease has been put to rest in my eyes.  It is part of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is the standard reference for criteria of mental disorders (dsm5.org).  This post is based on my experience learning through treatment facilities and 12 step meetings:  the disease of addiction is a progressive (sometimes fatal) disease that affects my life mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I really see it as an illness now, not as a moral deficiency.  I now realize this disease takes many forms and will be at work even when I am abstinent from substances.  There are many aspects of my disease which include but are not limited to my obsession and compulsion to use drugs when I am active in my addiction.  It is also my constant (obsession and compulsion) desire to seek happiness, contentment and good feelings from people, places and things outside myself.

There is no cure for the disease of addiction; however, the 12 steps have been working for thousands of addicts and codependents since they came about in the later part of the 1930’s.  These steps allow us to stay clean and/or abstain from addictive behaviours and provide a new way to live.  The steps are based on spiritual principles and it is those principles we use, in conjunction with our Higher Power, to help us heal.  We are not striving for perfection but for serenity.  We use the Serenity Prayer as a guide to begin with and expand through written work on each step and the application of the spiritual principles to help us live a healthy life. 

Recovery is a lifelong process by which we accept life on life's terms and apply the spiritual principles to our daily living.  We will never be perfect, so that isn't the goal, but we can create goodness, kindness, and beauty in this world.  The recovering addict will begin to bring others through the 12 steps once they have completed their steps and have a period of abstinence.  Each new person learns from another addict about the 12 steps and then passes it on - the therapeutic value of one addict helping another.  It is only through working with other addicts that we can maintain our recovery, we are never cured.  I think do a pretty good job of seeing the disease in other people and gently telling them about it. However, I have a lot of trouble seeing the disease in myself.  This is common for most addicts and it is why the program works through sponsorship.

We need sponsors to keep us from relapse, we may not go back to using but we will be restless, irritable and discontent.  Many would use the saying dry-drunk as a person who is caught up in their disease, not using, but also without awareness. I will touch on that further in a future post.

So again, this is my take on the disease of addiction; I will post something later this week to look at codependency, what are the symptoms, causes, beliefs, and solutions.  Bonnie J

What I Hope to Share & My Goals

My journey has allowed me to learn about the 12 steps of recovery and now I'm trying to Live the Steps. This is a life long journey without a destination, only growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Sharing my journey of healing
I will share what I have learned about:
1. Recovery - living the 12 steps, just for today
2. Mindfulness and meditation
3. Living with Chronic Pain - suffering is optional
4. PTSD and Anxiety - I have reclaimed my life
I hope that this will become a conversation, that my posts will just be a starting point.

My main goals
1. To live in the solution
2. Stay positive
3. To have an attitude of gratitude
4. Keep my life centered around my Higher Power
5. To love and learn from the people put in my journey

I learn the most in my trials and mistakes...that's my life. Please feel free to comment on anything in this blog. It is through dialogue that I learn and remain teachable.