Codependency – Detachment

Before we can begin to detach with love we need to understand what unhealthy attachments we are trying to discontinue.  We hear in Alanon and Naranon meetings to “detach from the addict with love”.  It is not about getting rid of the addict; we are the only problem we have.  Once we have a program of recovery we are able to love our family member or friend and realize they are sick people not bad people.  The disease of addiction is explained in further detail in another post by that name. 

The Basics - A “To Do” List For 12 Step Recovery

There are times, in all of our lives, when "life on life's terms" just seems to be too much. In recovery we arrange our lives so we are safe.  We don’t take chances with our serenity and our wellbeing because we work too hard in recovery.   It is always easier to find ourselves slipping and catch it then it is to start over again.  These are the suggestions that will lead to serenity and safety in recovery.

Character Defects - Victim Role/Martyr

“People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims, unless they develop a greater vision for their lives.”  Stedman Graham

I'm hoping to tackle different character defects in this blog as well as the steps, spiritual principles, traditions, concepts, and anything else recovery I feel the need to write about.  So here is my first: the role of victim a.k.a. the martyr.

Playing the role of victim is usually a role we pick up in childhood.  It is a role that many may think is determined by circumstance.  I would challenge those people to find someone in 12 step recovery who has overcome that role and found serenity.

Self-Talk

We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly. – Shakti Gawain

The way we talk to ourselves will determine how we feel about ourselves, others and the world around us.  There are a lot of pluses to managing our self-talk: decreases anger, increases self-esteem, become more positive, creates inner peace and serenity, and many more.  What we tell ourselves seems to manifest in all areas of our lives.  When we change the self-talk then we begin to change our belief systems and our actions.  We can move in a positive direction in life and even learn to love ourselves.   My first sponsor started me on this journey of positivity with a quote by Wayne Dyer “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Sponsorship in 12 Step Fellowships

Sponsorship is the cornerstone of any 12 step fellowship.  There are usually pamphlets or books you can pick up at meetings on the subject. This post reviews some of my experience and ideas on sponsorship.  The relationship is important and promotes growth for both the sponsor and the sponsee.  This will be a relationship that will take time to grow, if we allow that.  Early recovery is a difficult time to allow ourselves to feel vulnerable with another person. It is imperative that we take the leap of faith and ask someone to sponsor us.  I was told not to compare my story with others but to keep an open mind and relate to others.  I can relate to my sponsor and because of that I feel she can understand me.  It is within this relationship that I can work on myself, be honest and open with my feelings.  What is shared is confidential so this person must be trustworthy.  The person must also be someone I’m willing to lovingly confront if we feel hurt, wronged, etc.  This is not a relationship to run away from when things get tough; that is when we dig in our heals and work it out.  By working out issues with a sponsor we grow the relationship. 

My Journey with Chronic Pain

So far my posts have been recovery related for the most part.  Recovery is the most important thing in my life because without it, I lose everything I love in my life.  The following post explains the beginning of my journey into living in recovery with chronic pain.

Step Work

In 12 step fellowships we follow the steps as a way of life; that is to say most of us put pen to paper and work on each step in order.  We do this with the guidance of a sponsor and once a portion of work is complete, we sit with our sponsor and share what we have found.  Some people continue to do steps 1-12 throughout their recovery using various step guides or fellowship literature.  Other people may do the steps through once and then continue 10, 11, and 12 as the maintenance steps for the remainder of their recovery.  Some people in recovery never do any written work and only attend meetings.  There are as many ways to do the steps as there are 12 step fellowships.