The Basics - A “To Do” List For 12 Step Recovery

There are times, in all of our lives, when "life on life's terms" just seems to be too much. In recovery we arrange our lives so we are safe.  We don’t take chances with our serenity and our wellbeing because we work too hard in recovery.   It is always easier to find ourselves slipping and catch it then it is to start over again.  These are the suggestions that will lead to serenity and safety in recovery.

Character Defects - Victim Role/Martyr

“People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims, unless they develop a greater vision for their lives.”  Stedman Graham

I'm hoping to tackle different character defects in this blog as well as the steps, spiritual principles, traditions, concepts, and anything else recovery I feel the need to write about.  So here is my first: the role of victim a.k.a. the martyr.

Playing the role of victim is usually a role we pick up in childhood.  It is a role that many may think is determined by circumstance.  I would challenge those people to find someone in 12 step recovery who has overcome that role and found serenity.

Anonymity in 12 Step Fellowships

We hear the word anonymity in meetings during the readings and in discussion.  The 12th tradition: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. In some other fellowships they have added readings that refer to anonymity as the anonymous person in fellowship; we are not our age, race, creed, colour, profession, etc. we are a first name and we belong as a member when we say we do.  I think it’s interesting when I looked up the definitions it stated: freedom from identification, lack of distinctiveness, state of being unnoticed (blending into a crowd), an unnamed person.  

Affirmations

This is a follow up to my post yesterday about Self-Talk.  I suggest we use these affirmations by posting them around your home, car, place of work, anywhere you will see them daily.  It is possible that they will change the way you see yourself, create healthier self-talk, and may lead to inner peace and serenity.  You can use this list to create some of your own affirmations by mixing and matching; just make sure they are short, believable, and focused.  They can be written on recipe cards and carried in a wallet, on post-its and put up around the home and office, you could even write with permanent marker on your mirror; it comes off with rubbing alcohol.  Below is a collection I have gathered from recovery, aftercare, postings, and who knows where.

Self-Will

Self-will is something we surrender over and over again in recovery.  I have a habit of taking it back from time to time, sometimes daily, but to stay in recovery is to surrender my will to my Higher Power or God of my understanding.  Now this surrender doesn’t mean I become a doormat.  I can still make plans, pursue goals, and try to make changes to my world.  The surrender is of the destructive self-will; where I abuse my right to make choices and decisions, where my actions are self-motivated, and there is no conscious contact with my Higher Power. 

Mother Teresa's Perspective on Life

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway. 

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway

The good you do today, will often be forgotten; 
Do good anyway

Give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

Letting Go

Here is yet another post by an unknown author; not for lack of trying but this was something given to me by a friend in a 12 step fellowship…I could not resist posting it.  I should tattoo it on my arm!  I could write ten posts about the subject of letting go and it would not begin to reach the depth the author reached when s/he wrote the untitled article below.  

Acceptance

Acceptance is a spiritual principle that I have heard used in many groups I have been to for recovery, PTSD, and Pain.  I have struggled to find acceptance in all of these areas.  I also have experienced the deep serenity from finding acceptance in all of these areas of my life.  I have gratitude that I am able to share with others what I have learned on my journey.  Having that purpose in my life has allowed me to experience full acceptance of my past, leaving behind blame, shame, regret, resentments, and fear.  Acceptance is not condoning events or actions but it is letting them go in order to have peace; there is nothing I can do to change the past.  

Facing our Fear in Recovery

Prior to (even during) recovery fear is an ever present, dominating feeling which can become so powerful it rules our entire life.  Often we go through life unaware our thinking and decision making is clouded or even controlled by fear. One definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. The fear experienced in the addicted family is self-centred fear; a fear of self preservation and self-seeking. Some of the fear I have uncovered in recovery have been: fear of failure, rejection, being wrong or making a mistake, responsibility, using, the future, arguments, conflict, financial problems, nothing will change/everything will change, being alone, letting my family down, getting caught, relapse both in addiction and codependency…and infinitely more, I was full of fear, but I found a solution in the 12 steps.

Breaking the Cycle of Guilt and Shame

I guess to begin this topic I should define both guilt and shame as I’ve been taught in recovery.  Guilt is the awareness of doing the wrong thing. Shame is the feelings of disgrace, disappointment and regret.  We put shame on ourselves and or allow others to shame us.  When we are active in our addiction and codependency guilt and shame are two negative rulers of our world, standing side by side with fear and resentment.  I will save fear and resentment for another day. 

Serenity and Inner Peace

There is a lot of talk about Serenity and Inner Peace in 12 step fellowships.  We say the Serenity Prayer and it seems that inner peace is the goal of many who are on a journey of healing.  I figure if that is my goal then I would like to explore exactly what I’m working so hard to achieve.  There are many definitions and my guess is that Inner Peace would be a bit different for everyone.  This is my top 10 Signs of Inner Peace, it’s just a list and I know I can never have full serenity in my life but here are some ideas I desire:

The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time;Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with HimForever in the next.

-Reinhold Niebuhr     

Many 12 step groups use the beginning of this prayer to open a meeting.  It is also the starting point of many important parts of recovery: spiritual contact, practicing the spiritual principles of serenity, acceptance, courage, faith, trust, willingness, wisdom, letting go, asking for help, living by God's will, and examining life through prayer and meditation.  I’m sure there are many more ideas people have about this prayer, please share them in the comments.
Over the next while I want to look at the ideas in the prayer as well as the spiritual principles and how they can be applied to our life.  Please feel free to comment on anything, I’d love to learn from you.

Recovery is a Process not an Event

As my sponsor tells me "Recovery is a process, not an event."  Every person has their journey and will experience and learn different things at different times.  This is the beauty of recovery; I can learn from every single person because we are all having experiences, hardships and learning life's lessons.  It is all about relating to other people.  I know, comparing is easier, I can feel superior, not-as-bad, etc when I compare.  But when I relate is where I can see my lesson in another person.  I become a teachable person.

What I Hope to Share & My Goals

My journey has allowed me to learn about the 12 steps of recovery and now I'm trying to Live the Steps. This is a life long journey without a destination, only growth spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Sharing my journey of healing
I will share what I have learned about:
1. Recovery - living the 12 steps, just for today
2. Mindfulness and meditation
3. Living with Chronic Pain - suffering is optional
4. PTSD and Anxiety - I have reclaimed my life
I hope that this will become a conversation, that my posts will just be a starting point.

My main goals
1. To live in the solution
2. Stay positive
3. To have an attitude of gratitude
4. Keep my life centered around my Higher Power
5. To love and learn from the people put in my journey

I learn the most in my trials and mistakes...that's my life. Please feel free to comment on anything in this blog. It is through dialogue that I learn and remain teachable.