Codependency – Detachment

Before we can begin to detach with love we need to understand what unhealthy attachments we are trying to discontinue.  We hear in Alanon and Naranon meetings to “detach from the addict with love”.  It is not about getting rid of the addict; we are the only problem we have.  Once we have a program of recovery we are able to love our family member or friend and realize they are sick people not bad people.  The disease of addiction is explained in further detail in another post by that name. 

The Basics - A “To Do” List For 12 Step Recovery

There are times, in all of our lives, when "life on life's terms" just seems to be too much. In recovery we arrange our lives so we are safe.  We don’t take chances with our serenity and our wellbeing because we work too hard in recovery.   It is always easier to find ourselves slipping and catch it then it is to start over again.  These are the suggestions that will lead to serenity and safety in recovery.

Character Defects - Victim Role/Martyr

“People who consider themselves victims of their circumstances will always remain victims, unless they develop a greater vision for their lives.”  Stedman Graham

I'm hoping to tackle different character defects in this blog as well as the steps, spiritual principles, traditions, concepts, and anything else recovery I feel the need to write about.  So here is my first: the role of victim a.k.a. the martyr.

Playing the role of victim is usually a role we pick up in childhood.  It is a role that many may think is determined by circumstance.  I would challenge those people to find someone in 12 step recovery who has overcome that role and found serenity.

Facing our Fear in Recovery

Prior to (even during) recovery fear is an ever present, dominating feeling which can become so powerful it rules our entire life.  Often we go through life unaware our thinking and decision making is clouded or even controlled by fear. One definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. The fear experienced in the addicted family is self-centred fear; a fear of self preservation and self-seeking. Some of the fear I have uncovered in recovery have been: fear of failure, rejection, being wrong or making a mistake, responsibility, using, the future, arguments, conflict, financial problems, nothing will change/everything will change, being alone, letting my family down, getting caught, relapse both in addiction and codependency…and infinitely more, I was full of fear, but I found a solution in the 12 steps.