Feeling our Feelings

In recovery we are told to try not to stuff our feelings but try to acknowledge and release them.  Prior to recovery was unaware I had been either stuff my feelings or “tuning out” because I was overwhelmed by them.  We hear the solution “be with your feelings” and to “feel your feelings” and that is what this post explores.  I’ve learned a few strategies from those who came before me.  It is no longer just being with my feelings but about being able to understand, acknowledge, and release those feelings.

Codependency – Detachment

Before we can begin to detach with love we need to understand what unhealthy attachments we are trying to discontinue.  We hear in Alanon and Naranon meetings to “detach from the addict with love”.  It is not about getting rid of the addict; we are the only problem we have.  Once we have a program of recovery we are able to love our family member or friend and realize they are sick people not bad people.  The disease of addiction is explained in further detail in another post by that name. 

Breaking the Cycle of Guilt and Shame

I guess to begin this topic I should define both guilt and shame as I’ve been taught in recovery.  Guilt is the awareness of doing the wrong thing. Shame is the feelings of disgrace, disappointment and regret.  We put shame on ourselves and or allow others to shame us.  When we are active in our addiction and codependency guilt and shame are two negative rulers of our world, standing side by side with fear and resentment.  I will save fear and resentment for another day.