Attitude is Everything

I found this quote about attitude online and it really spoke to me.  I recently have had some dealings with some people who say they want to make healthy changes in their life.  When they are given solutions or have solutions it usually ends in "ya but", "I know, but". I remember saying that to people years ago and now I see I didn’t want the solution bad enough.  It's so defeating to have an excuse to stay the same, stay in the drama, stay in the sick thinking, the rescuing, the enabling, the addictions.  We can all come up with an excuse in order to do what is easy. 
Finally, I came to realized that I could just move forward and learn to remove the "but" and replace it with a "yes!"  My whole attitude and outlook changed.  I no longer felt defeated by outside events, other people, and anything else beyond my control. I was living in the solution and I still try to do that today. 

Are you Immature or Mature?

This post contains information I received when I entered a residential program, just not sure which one.  I think most people in recovery will find that this applies to them when they come in and that through 12 step work they find themselves representing the Maturity List toward the bottom of the post.  Many recovering people look back on their lives and see how they were ruled by immaturity.  By applying the steps in recovery programs we can begin to “grow up”, even after many years of arrested development. 

Affirmations

This is a follow up to my post yesterday about Self-Talk.  I suggest we use these affirmations by posting them around your home, car, place of work, anywhere you will see them daily.  It is possible that they will change the way you see yourself, create healthier self-talk, and may lead to inner peace and serenity.  You can use this list to create some of your own affirmations by mixing and matching; just make sure they are short, believable, and focused.  They can be written on recipe cards and carried in a wallet, on post-its and put up around the home and office, you could even write with permanent marker on your mirror; it comes off with rubbing alcohol.  Below is a collection I have gathered from recovery, aftercare, postings, and who knows where.

Self-Talk

We always attract into our lives whatever we think about most, believe in most strongly, expect on the deepest level, and imagine most vividly. – Shakti Gawain

The way we talk to ourselves will determine how we feel about ourselves, others and the world around us.  There are a lot of pluses to managing our self-talk: decreases anger, increases self-esteem, become more positive, creates inner peace and serenity, and many more.  What we tell ourselves seems to manifest in all areas of our lives.  When we change the self-talk then we begin to change our belief systems and our actions.  We can move in a positive direction in life and even learn to love ourselves.   My first sponsor started me on this journey of positivity with a quote by Wayne Dyer “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

Self-Will

Self-will is something we surrender over and over again in recovery.  I have a habit of taking it back from time to time, sometimes daily, but to stay in recovery is to surrender my will to my Higher Power or God of my understanding.  Now this surrender doesn’t mean I become a doormat.  I can still make plans, pursue goals, and try to make changes to my world.  The surrender is of the destructive self-will; where I abuse my right to make choices and decisions, where my actions are self-motivated, and there is no conscious contact with my Higher Power. 

The Twelve Steps of How Not to Recover

The 12 steps below seem to have been around a while.   I have received this list by email and hardcopy throughout my recovery. Unfortunately, I have not found the author to give credit.  When I read through these 12 steps I find myself not just chuckling but also tensing almost cringing at the outline of my life before recovery. This tongue-in-cheek list is a stark reminder of where we can end up, or return to, without recovery.  

These are the steps we took, which are suggested as a Program of Misery:

Mother Teresa's Perspective on Life

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway. 

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway

The good you do today, will often be forgotten; 
Do good anyway

Give the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

Signs and Symptoms of Codependency

Codependency is a tricky thing to spot in ourselves.  I was talking with my mom this week and she said something that has really stuck with me:  “We [codependents] don’t have the outward signs like the addict does – it’s obvious to them; taking a pill, a drink, gambling, smoking, etc – but with me, how was I to know until I stumbled into my own recovery by trying to help my addict?”

I certainly will not be able to list all the signs and symptoms of codependency in this post but I think the categories are a good jumping off point.  The main categories:  Denial, Compliance, Low Self-Esteem, Control, and Avoidance. I’ve picked these because they were outlined this way to me at the Residential Family (Codependency) Program I attended.  These categories also apply to the addicted person; addicts just have the extra symptom of using. When I talk about relationships in this post I don’t mean just romantic ones but all types of relationships.  In my case I can have codependent relationships with my brother, my friend, my parents, co-worker, or someone I sponsor – that is why I love recovery, I am never recovered, I’m always within the process.

Rational Self Counselling

This is a post to follow up on the Rational and Irrational Thoughts post last week.  Our belief systems are the basis of self-talk. Our belief systems can change but have been building up throughout our life.  What we believe comes from our upbringing, spiritual beliefs, events, traumas, and from various other influences.  Therefore what we believe about ourselves and others may need to be challenged.  In my case an entire overhaul was needed.  What I believed determined my feelings and it played out like this:
AN EVENT --   BELIEF SYSTEM  --  FEELINGS  (--  ACTION/ NO ACTION)

Rational and Irrational Thoughts

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.  -The Buddha

In this post I'm going to explore rational and irrational thoughts and beliefs
- how to spot the thought
- how mindfulness can help
- the three core irrational beliefs which the irrational thoughts stem from
- how to spot the language of irrational thought
- the solutions to having rational thoughts

Through thought distortions and the resulting conflict; there is a self-imposed suffering.  Buddha said it best above, we are our thoughts and our thoughts influence how we feel.

At first I thought, I’m a rational person, this doesn’t apply to me.  Then I started to look at the feelings I was having and worked backwards.  Why was I feeling like this? What were my thoughts about the “who, what, where or how?”  When I started going deeper I could see a lot of my unhappiness and conflict was based on irrational thinking…it still can be.

The Serenity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenityto accept the things I cannot change;courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time;Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it;Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this lifeand supremely happy with HimForever in the next.

-Reinhold Niebuhr     

Many 12 step groups use the beginning of this prayer to open a meeting.  It is also the starting point of many important parts of recovery: spiritual contact, practicing the spiritual principles of serenity, acceptance, courage, faith, trust, willingness, wisdom, letting go, asking for help, living by God's will, and examining life through prayer and meditation.  I’m sure there are many more ideas people have about this prayer, please share them in the comments.
Over the next while I want to look at the ideas in the prayer as well as the spiritual principles and how they can be applied to our life.  Please feel free to comment on anything, I’d love to learn from you.