There are times, in all of our lives, when "life on
life's terms" just seems to be too much. In recovery we arrange our lives
so we are safe. We don’t take chances
with our serenity and our wellbeing because we work too hard in recovery. It is
always easier to find ourselves slipping and catch it then it is to start over
again. These are the suggestions that
will lead to serenity and safety in recovery.
Say the Serenity Prayer – whether you have a belief in a
Higher Power or not, prayer is a form of meditation which can help. When we say the serenity prayer it reminds us
of the principles of recovery as well as our goal of serenity. For more on the serenity prayer check out the
article I have posted by that name.
Remove Yourself from the Situation – sometimes we put
ourselves in situations that are dangerous but other times situation can
unexpectedly arise; in both cases removing ourselves is always the best
choice. An example would be a family
function and someone brings up the past or an event that stirs up difficult
emotions such as resentment, fear, guilt, or shame. When we feel these strong
emotions it can be easy to lash out but removing ourselves and then contacting
our sponsor or someone else in the program is the safest thing to do. I always remember how hard amends are to make
to people who have done wrong to me; I try not to create future amends.
Call Someone in the Program - when we attend meetings and
get phone numbers from people we have the hope that we will call them. The problem is we wait too long and then it’s
uncomfortable to call, we feel they may not know who we are, etc. When I get a number these days, I try to call it quickly so that I can get to
know the person. Once they are on the
phone and you don’t know what to say just ask them about their journey in
recovery. Most of us find that it helps
our recovery to share our experience, strength, and hope with someone. The other reason we should call right away is
to start building a foundation. It is
much easier when we are in a bad spot to call someone we have already talked to
rather than cold call a number.
Get and Sponsor and Call Regularly – Having a sponsor is the
only way the program works. They will
teach you about the program; the steps and traditions, service, and most
importantly show you how to practice the principles in all our affairs. Working on the relationship with a sponsor is
paramount. They need to know you in
order to warn you when you are getting off course, acting on character defects,
etc. The disease of addiction and
codependency tells us we don’t have a disease.
We can see defects in other people but it is difficult to see them in
ourselves. Having and using a sponsor should
be the first priority of anyone entering a 12 step program.
Pray and Meditate –12 step programs are not religious programs
and have no affiliations. By praying and meditating we are able to connect to a
Higher Power of our own choosing. When I
first started in recovery I heard people say to “act as if there is something”
so in other words just pray to whatever for now. We don’t have to define who or what our
Higher Power is, we don’t need answers right now, we just need to be still in
this moment and breathe. Meditation can
be that easy, there are links on the right side of my blog for mindful
meditation. I can’t imagine my life
without mindfulness and meditation, I was introduced to it a few days into my
journey and it has saved me on many occasions.
Go to a Meeting – keep meeting lists in the car, wallet,
purse, etc. Have them with you so you
can check them when you are out of the house.
There have been times I was triggered in early recovery and I went
straight to a meeting. For example, I
went out to lunch with friends at a family roadhouse with a bar. We were seated close to the bar and I sat
facing it, the smell of the alcohol triggered me. I politely left and headed straight for a
meeting I knew was almost finished, I pulled someone aside and talked to them.
Program Literature – reading a chapter in our literature or
a pamphlet can change the way we are thinking.
I keep literature everywhere I go: my desk, purse, etc. There is always a time where I need some
sanity and I know I will find it there.
At holidays with family in early recovery, I would bring the literature
and go into the bathroom and read it if I was feeling overwhelmed. Whatever it took was what I was willing to
do.
Write About the Problem – journaling and step work are essential
to our recovery. It is through these
writing exercises that we learn about ourselves. Most of my break-through
moments have come while writing my step work.
I just let whatever comes to mind come out when I am journaling and that
gets my feelings out; it really diffuses strong feelings.
Work the Steps – working the steps includes the written work,
going over that work with our sponsor, our sponsors responses and suggestions,
and finally practicing the principles we have learned in our life. 12 step fellowships give us the tools we
lacked before we came. In my personal
journey, I work the steps in my daily life through action but also put pen to
paper and work the steps 1-12 over and over.
This gives me an opportunity to grow; I can see where I’m acting out on
my disease in other ways, where I can apply principles, it deepens my
understanding of my Higher Power, it shows me where I owe amends, and so
on. Step work is the only way it works
for me and I have received so many gifts from it, I can’t imagine stopping.
Work With Others – one person helping the other is the
amazing way 12 step programs work. We
can relate to each other in a way that outsiders just don’t understand. We help each other by sharing our experience,
strength, and hope with other members.
We welcome newcomers and offer our phone number and answer any questions
they may have. Once we have completed
the steps and/or our sponsor feels we are ready we can sponsor someone in the
program. This is a big commitment of
time and availability, especially with someone who is new to the program. It is also extremely fulfilling to work with
someone who is honest, openminded, and willing.
It takes some people longer to get to that place of willingness but our
sponsors can help us with sponsorship by reminding us of the spiritual
principles to use in the situation.
These suggestions saved my life and my family; I looked at them as mandatory. Bonnie J
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Thank you for your comments. I welcome comments as it is a way for me to learn and grow. Thanks for keeping the comments 'PG' as this is a public site. Blessings and Love <3 Bonnie