The Basics - A “To Do” List For 12 Step Recovery

There are times, in all of our lives, when "life on life's terms" just seems to be too much. In recovery we arrange our lives so we are safe.  We don’t take chances with our serenity and our wellbeing because we work too hard in recovery.   It is always easier to find ourselves slipping and catch it then it is to start over again.  These are the suggestions that will lead to serenity and safety in recovery.

Say the Serenity Prayer – whether you have a belief in a Higher Power or not, prayer is a form of meditation which can help.  When we say the serenity prayer it reminds us of the principles of recovery as well as our goal of serenity.  For more on the serenity prayer check out the article I have posted by that name.

Remove Yourself from the Situation – sometimes we put ourselves in situations that are dangerous but other times situation can unexpectedly arise; in both cases removing ourselves is always the best choice.  An example would be a family function and someone brings up the past or an event that stirs up difficult emotions such as resentment, fear, guilt, or shame. When we feel these strong emotions it can be easy to lash out but removing ourselves and then contacting our sponsor or someone else in the program is the safest thing to do.  I always remember how hard amends are to make to people who have done wrong to me; I try not to create future amends.

Call Someone in the Program - when we attend meetings and get phone numbers from people we have the hope that we will call them.  The problem is we wait too long and then it’s uncomfortable to call, we feel they may not know who we are, etc.  When I get a number these days,  I try to call it quickly so that I can get to know the person.  Once they are on the phone and you don’t know what to say just ask them about their journey in recovery.  Most of us find that it helps our recovery to share our experience, strength, and hope with someone.  The other reason we should call right away is to start building a foundation.  It is much easier when we are in a bad spot to call someone we have already talked to rather than cold call a number.

Get and Sponsor and Call Regularly – Having a sponsor is the only way the program works.  They will teach you about the program; the steps and traditions, service, and most importantly show you how to practice the principles in all our affairs.  Working on the relationship with a sponsor is paramount.  They need to know you in order to warn you when you are getting off course, acting on character defects, etc.  The disease of addiction and codependency tells us we don’t have a disease.  We can see defects in other people but it is difficult to see them in ourselves.  Having and using a sponsor should be the first priority of anyone entering a 12 step program.

Pray and Meditate –12 step programs are not religious programs and have no affiliations. By praying and meditating we are able to connect to a Higher Power of our own choosing.  When I first started in recovery I heard people say to “act as if there is something” so in other words just pray to whatever for now.  We don’t have to define who or what our Higher Power is, we don’t need answers right now, we just need to be still in this moment and breathe.  Meditation can be that easy, there are links on the right side of my blog for mindful meditation.  I can’t imagine my life without mindfulness and meditation, I was introduced to it a few days into my journey and it has saved me on many occasions.   

Go to a Meeting – keep meeting lists in the car, wallet, purse, etc.  Have them with you so you can check them when you are out of the house.  There have been times I was triggered in early recovery and I went straight to a meeting.  For example, I went out to lunch with friends at a family roadhouse with a bar.  We were seated close to the bar and I sat facing it, the smell of the alcohol triggered me.  I politely left and headed straight for a meeting I knew was almost finished, I pulled someone aside and talked to them.

Program Literature – reading a chapter in our literature or a pamphlet can change the way we are thinking.  I keep literature everywhere I go: my desk, purse, etc.  There is always a time where I need some sanity and I know I will find it there.  At holidays with family in early recovery, I would bring the literature and go into the bathroom and read it if I was feeling overwhelmed.  Whatever it took was what I was willing to do.

Write About the Problem – journaling and step work are essential to our recovery.  It is through these writing exercises that we learn about ourselves. Most of my break-through moments have come while writing my step work.  I just let whatever comes to mind come out when I am journaling and that gets my feelings out; it really diffuses strong feelings.

Work the Steps – working the steps includes the written work, going over that work with our sponsor, our sponsors responses and suggestions, and finally practicing the principles we have learned in our life.  12 step fellowships give us the tools we lacked before we came.  In my personal journey, I work the steps in my daily life through action but also put pen to paper and work the steps 1-12 over and over.  This gives me an opportunity to grow; I can see where I’m acting out on my disease in other ways, where I can apply principles, it deepens my understanding of my Higher Power, it shows me where I owe amends, and so on.  Step work is the only way it works for me and I have received so many gifts from it, I can’t imagine stopping.

Work With Others – one person helping the other is the amazing way 12 step programs work.  We can relate to each other in a way that outsiders just don’t understand.  We help each other by sharing our experience, strength, and hope with other members.  We welcome newcomers and offer our phone number and answer any questions they may have.  Once we have completed the steps and/or our sponsor feels we are ready we can sponsor someone in the program.  This is a big commitment of time and availability, especially with someone who is new to the program.  It is also extremely fulfilling to work with someone who is honest, openminded, and willing.  It takes some people longer to get to that place of willingness but our sponsors can help us with sponsorship by reminding us of the spiritual principles to use in the situation.

These suggestions saved my life and my family; I looked at them as mandatory.  Bonnie J