Are you Immature or Mature?

This post contains information I received when I entered a residential program, just not sure which one.  I think most people in recovery will find that this applies to them when they come in and that through 12 step work they find themselves representing the Maturity List toward the bottom of the post.  Many recovering people look back on their lives and see how they were ruled by immaturity.  By applying the steps in recovery programs we can begin to “grow up”, even after many years of arrested development. 

I have heard it explained that people who are addicted stop growing emotionally at the point they start using.  It is like pressing a pause button on maturity and then the pause stops when they start to grow in recovery.  Immaturity is painful for anyone to face, but the rewards of doing it are immense.  These are some symptoms of immaturity:

1. I fear each new responsibility, such as leaving home, getting a job, getting married, etc.

2. I want all the attention, all of the time, and become unhappy when someone else has centre stage.

3. I become easily frustrated, wanting everything to come easily and quickly.

4. I am over-sensitive to any criticism, yet very critical of others.

5. I invariably blame others for problems caused by my own shortcomings.

6. I seek escape from routine duties by indulging in day-dreaming and fantasies.

7. I just make excuses, and don't look for the cause of my mistakes and failures.

8. I continue to make the same mistake and not learn from experience.

9. I refuse to accept my limitations.

10. I spend a lot of energy in arguing and complaining that life isn’t fair.

11. I am always competitive.

If two or more sound like you, there may be a problem with immaturity.  If you can admit the problem, and would like to change, then there is definite hope for you.  As step one teaches us:  you can’t fix the problem until you admit there is one.  Now let’s look at the characteristics of maturity:

1. I accept my responsibilities

2. I am independent and self supporting.
3. I have a well-founded sense of integrity and moral standards.

4. I have the ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

5. I have replaced competition with cooperation.

6. I continue to have both flexibility and adaptability.

7. I have patience with myself and others.

8. I have the ability to sustain friendships.

9. Generosity is practiced but not flaunted.

10. I have a sense of humour.

11. I continue to have a deep sense of gratitude.

12. Humility must be maintained, my ego must alway stay in check.

These are suggested as a beginning on the road to maturity.  Don’t expect perfection with this list; that would be immature ;^).  When we try to go in the direction of our dreams we will grow a little each day.  Unhappiness and irritability should begin to shrink while gratitude and love will multiply.

Bonnie J